Have a Secret Project
“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
We live in a world of constant approval-seeking, need to please others, and desiring external validation. Look no further than Facebook and Instagram. This is not a new phenomenon in our human existence, it has been around for a very long time. Lao Tzu wrote that quote in his book, Tao Te Ching, in the sixth century B.C. – but it may be worse now than ever due to the internet and social media.
I have a challenge for you:
Pick some behavior or goal you’re either working on or want to start.
Identify what that is. For example, “I’m doing dry January.” Or “I am working out.” Two common areas of focus for people this time of year.
Now, challenge yourself to do this behavior/focus on this goal for at least 30 days and don’t tell anyone.
Keep it private. Just for you.
Write it down and outline the steps you need to do consistently to reach the goal or keep the behavior.
But don’t broadcast it. Don’t post it on social media. Don’t incorporate it into everyday conversation.
“Oh, I can’t go out with you all on Friday because I’m doing dry January.” Or to your co-worker “Man, I am so tired and sore today from my workouts.” And don’t promote it on any social media.
Why do we really do this broadcasting business anyways?
We are seeking other people’s approval and validation and pats on the back. And taking the temperature on whether or not this behavior is going to elicit that feedback as to what’s “good” and likable. Allowing other people’s opinions to shape what we’re doing with our lives.
They may not want you to do dry January because they don’t want to stop drinking themselves and will try to sabotage your decision and make you think twice about yours. Or they may just not care if you are working out (because it’s not their life) and so they don’t give you the response you are seeking. Then how are you going to fill your self-worth well with validations? That will be discouraging and you’ll probably stop working out.
Do something for yourself and only yourself. Because you know it’s making you a better person and helping you grow.
You’re doing dry January and someone invites you out to a bar – “No thank you, I’d rather stay in tonight.”
Give yourself the pats on the back and “good jobs” daily because you are keeping commitments to yourself and showing up for yourself.
Write your exercise down in your journal/log so you can see the action steps and build confidence in yourself.
Confidence is built through action steps and providing evidence to yourself that you can do something.
Stop giving power to everyone else for fear of them not liking you, rejecting you, judging you, etc.
I hope not everyone likes me. Yes, you read that right. Why? Because if everyone liked me, that would mean I am operating under what they want me to do at all times. And it would mean I am not living in alignment with my values, my truth, and setting boundaries. I’d be so lost as to who I am because I have to show up as a different person for everyone out there.
No thank you. I’d rather people respect me than like me.
You don’t like everyone you come in contact with, do you?
So why are you the exception and everyone needs to like you?
And a little research for you on FEAR of judgment and rejection.
They say we interact with approximately 10,000 other humans during our life. We have about 50 people reject us in some way or another.
Out of those 50 people, 7 caused us some serious pain.
Do the math. Seven people out of a lifetime really impact us in the pain place.
What’s that percentage?
0.007%
99.993% of people you come in contact with will not seriously cause pain in your life.
Can you survive and get through it if 50 out of 10,000 reject you throughout your life?
What’s the thing you’re going to do just for you? Not for hearts, or likes, or “Hey, great job!” from others. Write it down on paper.
I’ve got mine, but I’m keeping it to myself. :-)